introducing people to each other and then they hang out without you
giving someone a boner is the most satisfying simple pleasure life can offer
do you ever see a person you used to be friends with and you’re like “glad i got the fuck outta that one”
in 5th grade they made my class do a seminar thing on drugs and we had to sign an anti-drug pledge and afterwards they gave us these really fancy certificates declaring that we would be drug free forever and i ended up rolling a joint with mine in freshman year so there u go
saveusalltellmelifeisbeautiful:
48 years ago a girl said “oh fuck me” to her best friend while walking in the street, a guy who randomly passed by answered by “let me at least buy you dinner first”. I present to you my grandparents, in love since then and celebrating their 47 years of marriage today.
follow for more sick burns
she didnt break the fourth wall she motherfucking punched a hole in it
hey jude,
don’t be a lil bitch
So my driving instructor texted me, and I was walking so I just typed ‘Ok’ and hit send and then I looked at it and was like WHAT
But as it turns out, my friends are entirely responsible for turning ‘Ok’ into a shortcut.
Cry
a musical entitled “may, senior year” filled with hits such as:
“i never knew you wanted to join the military”
“why are you getting married”
“that’s an awful tattoo”
“what am i doing for the rest of my life”
“how will i afford deodorant in college”
“why can’t i graduate already”
“why can’t i graduate already (reprise): why am i graduating already”
“man i am so tired” stays up for 3 more hours doing absolutely nothing
woah bummer for everyone not making out with me right now
quick fuckin doodle of everything that pisses me off about tumblr and the number one reason i wanna go on hiatus
If you dont do anything else tonight. Press Play. I was laughing, singing and cheering.
I want to marry someone who will do this kind of thing with me.
omg soooo cute!!
